The light was bright and beautiful this evening after the boys got in the bath. The boys went swimming this afternoon and really got worn out, so they went down early tonight. That day came, that day when our little Norwegian Cougar Jude has learned how to climb UP and Down from the top bunk. We had quite the battle tonight getting him to stay in his bed, oh let’s rephrase that – HB had quite the battle getting him to stay in his bed. Ryan was out late at the library studying. I have been dreading this, dreading it, because I didn’t think I would be able to get Jude to connect why he needed to stay, just getting him to understand. But he did, he was also exhausted. Note to self hold out on naps over the next few days so he doesn’t have too much energy for a battle at night. Hb’s tone is business. I am actually impressed with myself, I had a tone that you would think I was emotionally hijacked that dead serious tone, but I was able to switch it on and off like Ryan does. I was sneaking Finn winks so he knew that mom wasn’t scary. I’d catch Jude out of bed and he would hear me scold him and he climbed right back into bed scared and somber! No way I am crossing mom! Yes!!
Meet Champion Flower. This is what I have called over the years our ‘Champion Flower’ we bought it from the 50% of rack at Lowes two years ago. It is a true champion. I understand now why people truly fall in love with gardening. This plant has inspired me. Inspired me all the way to the inner chambers of my heart! I don’t mean to be so fanatic about it. That pink flower probably doesn’t look like anything special to you, it’s all relative in this instance. This plant for the last few months has looked completely dead: brown leaves, brown brittle stems- you wouldn’t have even thought it was alive. There were a few instances where I thought, ‘maybe it’s time for it to go?’.’ Maybe it won’t come back this year’, but I knew better. I knew, I knew it’s potential. I have seen it Spring after Spring since we’ve lived here. All of the sudden it’s pink buds come out, and before you know the entire plant is covered with pink blossoms everywhere. Dozens, and dozens – it almost makes me feel emotional because it makes me think of my own potential, others potential. We all have blooming seasons, we are resilient just like this plant. It reminds me of mothers. A woman can be pregnant: miserable, huge, cranky and give her a couple of months and they come right back – more often than not. I needed you Champion Flower, thank you for coming back. Everyday I sit out on my porch while watching my children and I look at this plant, I almost want to say ‘this stupid plant’, I know it’s just a plant, but it inspires me- and boy does it feel good to be inspired. To be reminded of the potential I have, the capacity that is there. I told Ryan how I felt, and he said, ‘Oh, I know. It inspires me too.’ I think we both felt it so much. This season of life is a lot of work, Jude has a long way to go, bar studying is hard, getting that good first job isn’t as easy as you’d think. But just when I’m thinking I can’t do it I see my Champion Flower, and I know there will be beautiful blossoms in our future. I know it.
Finn, you are so special. What would I do without you? Although having all three of them is incredibly insane at moments they each give me the strength to the work hard for the other. Royal fills my bucket emotionally when Jude takes it all, and Jude fills it in his own way when Finn gets in a funk. They seem to take turns being pills, occasionally they will all be pills at once but not too often.
Royal James is still a breast fed baby. I have altered my diet so I can keep nursing him. After a meeting with our new pediatrician up in LA I have a new plan, it includes me being off diary and a few other things. I will share more about that later, but I need to work hard at staying hydrated. I’m in this for the long haul. So you can all attest to the ‘ebbs and flows’ I have it now so Royal James falls asleep easily but he won’t actually STAY asleep for more than hour or two. Rough last 24 hours. I need to pump him full of solids. I’m worried about him not getting deep sleep! He needs it so badly! Can’t wait to report back in a few days that I have a successful sleeping baby. This too shall pass!
I’ll share some details about our big trip to see this doctor up in LA next post. More adjustments made to our diet, not too different but any changes in our small scope of options is painful. Gearing up to hit it hard again. I’ve started giving Jude a Zyrtec everyday – 5mg. PEOPLE! Listen to me, if your children have any reactions (eczema, sensitive bowels, constant runny nose) Zyrtec is great for kids! Jude always has a runny nose and since we’ve done this he’s clear and so much more alert!
This is what was happening over here tonight, Turkey bacon, avocado sandwich. Jude had his on potato bread of course. Goat milk, potato bread… we’re pretty much freaks over here by this point. Our diet has shifted largely to a protein/veggie focus as you know, can you fathom it!? HB, cooking bacon. I draw the line at cow though I swear! For those of you that know me well know what I’m getting at, 6 months ago I would not have believed you! Meat really isn’t as bad as I remembered, I’m good.