2 January 2019
I’ve spent some time with the boys up in the mountains riding our bikes and it’s helped me see things differently and I’ve become inspired again to document a little more thoroughly their amazing growth. Here is our youngest Royal James in the Shakespeare garden looking for bees. Royal recently turned six and wow, what a crazy reality to have him turning six years old.
Here I am consoling Royal after a fall. He sure is tough up there. The way he calls me mom is still so tender and dependent, the way he says “Mom” is different than how Finn and Jude say it. Finn and Jude are truly the best of friends, Royal is right in the mix but Royal depends on his mom in a different way than the other two have. He’s also very tender and shows his emotions differently, he requires so much patience lately. It’s so silly but he always think I do things on purpose to sabotage him, “you meant to knock me into the wall, you meant to break my toy, you hate mine you only like Finn’s”! Goodness. It’s hard to go right with him sometimes but I hold firm to this Tich Naht Hahn quote that I love that understanding is love’s other name. It’s the foundation. I am always trying to understand and that often times means I hit this point where I can tell it’s just drama and seeking attention and I’m able to push them to move on. Goodness, motherhood it is a journey. What a privilege and hell of a lot of responsibility to be these boy’s mother! I’m trying. I am thankful that I am feeling connected to their beautiful tender hearts. I was walking inside Trader Joes after one of our bi-weekly Crystal Cove walks and this woman turned to me and said, ‘Those other two yours?” And I said, “Yes, wild things!” And her response was, “They will be your best friends!” I am really trying to love them from a place of ease and abundance but kids don’t always make it easy. I’m thankful for nature’s endless ability to fill my cup so I can continue to give love to these little boys in my particular unique well intentioned way. My love for moss seems boundless, as I tap into it suddenly my love for my boys seems boundless as well.